The Emperor's New Clothes: Preemie Edition

One of the happiest joys when preparing for a new baby is SHOPPING! All the cute outfits are hung with care awaiting the day they can be worn. The perfect attire is picked out for each day in the hospital, and lets not forget the all important arriving home outfit. When your baby makes their arrival a month or so before the planned time, there are complications. And all those outfits you hung so carefully usually will not fit. Much like the Emperor, the perfect outfit was nothing at all because nothing I had bought fit my son when he came 32 days early.

 Similar to the birthing process, I shed a great many tears over this fact. Four and a half pounds doesn't qualify for newborn clothing. The hospital pictures were narrowed down to hats. My son literally lived in over sized hospital t-shirts for several days. The sleeves drooped and we became accustomed to rolling them up. They were more like gowns than t-shirts, but I was grateful nonetheless. And the cute hats in the hospital pictures, he was so small that one of them was from a duck vase. Yea, a friend had sent me flowers in a duck. The duck had a hat and my son could wear it. His special going home outfit was never worn. Instead he was dressed in a too large flannel onesie. I kept that outfit as a memento. Planned or not, it was his coming home outfit.

I made it two days before I broke down crying because my child had no clothes. I assume my cries were heard because the next day my husband's best friend showed up. His mom knowing my due date had went shopping because she knew our baby would be little, and she was right. I was even more grateful then when I left the hospital with those five t-shirts. It took a few days but friends and family were abundant with help. And I did what every girl does best, I shopped. Living in a small town limits a person's choices in fashion, especially in preemie sizes.What to do and where to go?

First and foremost, Amazon. That's right, go online. They will have it to you quickly. Babies R Us (Toys R Us) is another great place to find fashion in preemie sizes and they are as fast as Amazon. Literally my sister called and asked what I needed on the day I arrived home from the hospital, I said clothes. A box from Babies R Us arrived within the week. Then there is always the beautiful tool known as EBay. Use the 'Buy It Now' option and depending on the seller's shipping methods (look for priority when buying) you will have the clothes you want and need. 

Small and large towns usually have at least one consignment shop. USE THEM. BUY FROM THEM! They have a wonderful selection consisting of many brands, styles and they are usually in great condition. Because let's be honest, our kids don't stay in their clothes very long. They grow fast! Every outfit pictured below was bought second hand and they were bought at discounted prices. 

Now just because you have a preemie doesn't mean you can't use some of the clothes which are already hanging and awaiting them. T-shirts are a great item to outfit your miniature bundle of joy. It may not be the epitome of fashion you had imagined, but it is comfortable for your baby. Plus it allows easy access for diaper changes. Gowns were another great style, but long sleeves will hang past a preemie's hands. You will adapt to rolling up sleeves and trying to keep mittens on. The keyword for all of parenthood is adaptation. Embrace it. 

They arrived before they were suppose to. They arrived on their own schedule, not a doctor's. Having my preemie son was unexpected and we were unprepared. You will find what they need and although you did not plan for them to live in hospital t-shirts, it is okay. No matter what they are wearing, the best outfit you can bestow on your child is your love. No designer or outfit can compare to that. 

Surviving Colic Hell

Yes, there is a way to survive and you can find light at the end of this tunnel. I am not going to tell you what dozens of people told me, "it gets better." Hearing those three words didn't make it better. I will tell you that I am not a medical expert and these are the tips that worked best for my family. 

How to survive:

1. It is okay to set the screaming infant in a safe place and walk away. You need to do this. I would do this at about 2 to 3 a.m. and then I would walk outside on my front porch and pray. I begged God to kill me. I admit it. Postpartum depression combined with the helplessness to make things better for my child caused me to feel like a failure. I wasn't failing my child. I was failing myself for not believing I was strong enough to overcome this struggle. You are strong enough. 

2. Quit playing formula roulette. This game probably intensified the colic. I can't speak on breastfeeding because I was not able to breastfeed due to secondary hypertension. I had to take medicines to keep myself healthy and those medicines would seep into my breast milk. So I knew I was gonna bottle feed from the start. What I didn't know was that there are like a million different formulas each touting a special benefit for your newborn. I tried them all. With colic there is no magic bullet, you have to set your child on one formula and that is the only thing you should ride out. When full blown colic set in, this was the formula our pediatrician recommended and it brought some relief. It is also one of the most expensive and it smells like wet dog food. But it worked. 

 

Now, there is one key word on this formula label that is going to save your life. Which brings me to survival tip #3. 

3. Probiotics. We've all seen the commercials with Jamie Lee Curtis selling yogurt. This is the same principle. They make probiotics for babies. If the baby has belly problems, it is in their gut. Boil it down to this logical explanation. A baby was use to getting natural nutrients inside of mommy, and now you are introducing foreign substances to the baby's belly. The belly is not equipped to handle these substances yet. You need to help their bellies by first building their bellies. Upon leaving my pediatrician's office, I immediately went out and bought this product. 

This is also expensive. And be forewarned, your child is gonna poop like they have never pooped before. It took a week before I noticed he wasn't crying till 7 a.m. anymore. It lessened the colic down to 2 to 3 a.m. He was beginning to build his gut. In two weeks, we had an entirely different baby.

4. Have a talk with yourself, then have a talk with your baby. One of the best things I did during Colic Hell was pep talk myself. I had a five minute talk with myself. I told myself that I am the only mother this baby was going to have and I have to always be there for him. Then on a night where colic was setting in and he was screaming in pain, I told him that no matter what I would always hold his hand. I still hold his hand over a year later when he falls asleep. I apologized that his belly hurt and I told him that one day his belly wouldn't hurt so much. I told him that we would get through this together. And we did get through it together. 

5. Rely on family. You will reach a breaking point. Sleep deprivation is an awful disorienting state to live in. I am and was blessed with a wonderful mother in law who would come over and sit with our baby so my husband and I could sleep for an hour or so. It is okay to ask for help because you need the help. 

6. Anything that is store bought labeled to help colic is a lie. You have now been told. The gripe water, the Colic Calm or any product associated with colic only intensified the symptoms in my opinion. Colic Calm stained everything and only provided what we felt was a longer and more intense night of Hell.

7. Common sense. This comes in the forms of baths. The warm water will calm the baby, the belly and it allows you to bond with your child. You are providing a basic need and you do not feel like a failure. Another great commons sense bonding tool to help colic is belly rubs. Rub your child's belly clockwise. I made this a game and each time I would move my hand around his belly I would say "I love you" in different funny voices. It made me feel useful and the warmth does help the belly aches. 

You are gonna make it. And Colic Hell will come to an end. And in the end do you know what happens? You become a stronger mother. You are able to look at your child and say "honey, we've been through worse." Because you remember Colic Hell and you survived it. And when it is done, you will have a baby that isn't red faced and hurting, your child can and will look like this:

HAPPY & LOVED!

Colic Hell

I have two beliefs about Hell. The first belief is while you are in Hell you will be forced to attend a never ending spinning class, sounds pretty hellish. The second and last belief is while the doomed are spinning on the highest incline possible, there is a soundtrack looping over and over and over again playing only the cries of colicky babies. Welcome to Colic Hell. It's not as fun as Space Mountain, trust me.

To any mother, father, or grandparent who has survived Colic Hell I say "Congratulations!" You deserve at the very least a chocolate covered medal. Because you went a month or longer without real sleep. You cried almost as much as your child did. You hurt more than your child but in the end, you survived.

For those that don't know this is what a colicky baby looks like:

They scream a lot. They tighten their hands into little fists and scrunch their legs up towards their abdomen. They are red faced from screaming so much. When not screaming, their eyes look as exhausted as you feel.

Colic is defined "as severe, often fluctuating pain in the abdomen caused by intestinal gas or obstruction in the intestines and suffered especially by babies." So every time the little bundle of joy had to pass gas, he yelled and screamed bloody murder and then finally farted. And after he farted, there was a calm until the next fart rolled around, usually happening 10 to 15 minutes later. 

Colic was buildup for us. It started out crying a little, being fussy as some would say. Then on the eve of my 32nd Birthday, colic became a full blown nightmare. It started at 9 p.m. being a little fussy. By 11 p.m. we had reached full panic scream fest. By 3 a.m. I was sobbing right along with my newborn babe. By 5 a.m. the husband finally woke up to my nervous meltdown, our baby still screaming and what I will forever remember as the worst birthday EVER. The screams lasted till 7 a.m. That's right. We had endured the first of many red faced screaming all night marathons.

After a week of these nights, I took my son to his pediatrician only to be told what I already knew. He was colicky. She said there is really nothing we could do but ride it out. Walking out of the pediatrician's office with my mother in law, I cussed "bullshit." Because no baby should suffer with belly problems and no parents should be forced to "just ride it out."

Proactively I did my research and we survived. It wasn't easy. I am learning parenthood, although rewarding, is never easy. Challenges arise and we face them together. We spun our way through Colic Hell and you can too.

The Day a New Wind Came

This is an introduction. It is a formal invitation allowing readers to follow our lives. The only hope I have for this blog is that it will relate different emotions and viewpoints that I have found in my new role as a parent. Work springs from inspiration. My inspiration is my son. I have one story that I love to tell him and as a birthday tradition, we tell this story. The tale of how he came to this world.

They said I shouldn't have children. When I was once young, a kidney stopped working and it caused a great amount of problems especially secondary hypertension (high blood pressure due to one kidney being overworked.) The fear was that a real life "Steel Magnolia" scenario would play out. And much like the character Shelby, I went against doctors' advice. I conceived and carried a little boy to 35 weeks.

It was Valentine's Day. I went to work and a nice cop actually gave a pregnant lady a ticket for an expired inspection sticker. It was a day full of love. As I finished my job, I sat down to eat with my husband. This was our 10th or 11th Valentine's Day together and we were gonna live it up with a heart shaped pizza. The phone rang, it was my doctor asking me to come to the hospital because the good kidney was beginning to lose function. They said I needed to perform yet another pee in a jug test. Those tricky scoundrels. Upon arriving and settling into my hospital bed, the plans were changed. We were gonna have a baby instead. My husband's face went white. I asked them if they "were shittin' me?" They said no. I said then please give us a few minutes. We were not ready. It was a month early. I only had a half decorated nursery. And I had really believed my son would wait till at least February 19th so he could be like his momma; a Pisces. Yea, I read into where the stars align. Here was my first lesson as a parent. They come at their own times. Our schedules do not dictate our children's lives.

So began an excruciating ordeal of labor. By 6 a.m. the next morning, they finally broke my water and all hell broke loose with my body along with an immense amount of pain and bodily fluids. My blood pressure was reaching stroke numbers and I blacked in and out of consciousnesses. Labor pains will always remind a woman of the situation at hand. The epidural didn't work. So they gave me a spinal. That was nice. They said he was coming fast. And by 10:30 they lowered some lights out of the ceiling. I knew the whole time I was in this room, something was gonna come out of the outlined squares in the ceiling. I gave a set of three pushes and into my life there came a new wind. It was my Aquarius. It was my four and half pound tiny little son. He was perfect. He only screamed for a couple minutes, surely frightened by the lights and the many women who scooped him away as they inspected his condition.

He was first placed in his father's arms. Something which still pisses me off to this day, because I did a lot of work to get him here. Finally, he was rested upon my chest. He smiled and I smiled back. I said "Welcome to the world, Sebastian. I have dreamed of you for a very long time." We sat there studying each other. It was one of the happiest moments I have ever had.

So is the story of how my air baby came into this world. So is the beginning of my inspiration and the winds which has now changed me forever.